Today I decided that my life is rather like the new turf we had laid a few weeks ago…

When you look at it from any of the downstairs rooms it looks green and lush; when you look at it from an upstairs bedroom – a bird’s eye view – you can see all the bald patches, the brown patches – and the molehills…

And when you walk about on it – it feels weird – spongey! And all I can see are all the gaps between the sparse blades of grass, how there is more brown than green, and how the bald patches where there is no grass at all are bigger and far more prevalent the closer you get!

Yesterday evening I said to Tom, “I think it is one of those days … I have just gone into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and all I can think is how we don’t have any children at home anymore and how my life is empty and meaningless.”

“Yes, it’s one of those days.”

Dear Tom, he is used to me and the inside of my head!

And it does seem like the grass is a perfect analogy – a cursory sweeping glance at my life goes: healthy, happily married, three kids, nice home, job she likes… pretty good eh!!

Looking a bit closer – getting a bit nit-picky – goes empty nest, getting older, had dodgy wrist so can’t massage, business could be a bit busier, brother died this year …

But when you look closer still – a bit like me getting right down on my hands and knees and looking with a magnifying glass at the grass, at the soil – and I know that if I looked with a magnifying glass I would lose all track of this being my grass – and all the stuff about whether I should have returfed it in the summer, whether I was sold rubbish, poor quality turf, whether we watered it enough etc etc and instead I would just see the lush colours, the delicate construction of the blades of grass, the sumptuousness of the rich soil…

And when I look at my life in this way – freezing each moment, holding it still – mesmerised by it – then I see love, perfection, wonder, miracles…

It’s up to me … how I look at my life … but when I notice I’m not having the best time – I might like to choose to look again, look in a different way … and then find the very best of best times was here all along 🙂