Today I thought I’d question my thoughts further … I could have questioned, “My teeth are falling out, my face is crumbling, I can’t talk properly, I sound / look like I’ve had a mini stroke” – which is a pretty accurate reflection of the madness that goes on in my head …

But instead I thought I’d go for the big one – “big talk” – to make a Mitchell and Webb reference …

“I am getting older” – is that true?  Can I be absolutely sure that it is true that I am getting older?

I have lots of energy; in my head – when not looking at the video of me made on Tuesday – I still feel like I’m 18; apart from menstruating I can’t think of anything I used to be able to do that I can’t do now; my outlook is continually changing – I feel more open, happy, less stressed, more loving – none of that sounds like getting old – or, if it does, then bring it on!

And my moment a couple of days ago when I felt my life was empty and meaningless because all our children have left home – whenever I do that thing of questioning what I want in life – it always boils down to wanting to be free…

If I want more money – it is to be free of worry and stress

If I want my kids to be healthy and happy – it is so I know they don’t need me and they’ll be fine when I’m not around

If I want to travel – it is because I want to explore and not be fixed anywhere

If I want to learn more about the mind, question the mind – it is because I want to be free of stressful thoughts …

So “empty” or “free” – which way is my life going? Older – or ageless – which feels truer? I don’t love any less; I don’t laugh any less; I don’t see less beauty in the world; I don’t eat any less(!)

and … when my mind shuts the fuck up – I still have the best time 🙂