This morning while chewing over how many thousands of pounds I’ve spent over the years training, going on courses and workshops … it occurred to me that maybe what it all boils down to is being “clean”…

I was trying to make sense of how – when I don’t think about money – then I spend loads (often putting myself into the red) and when I tightly budget then it feels like all spontaneity, all living life to the full, following my dreams – is stifled… and is that true?  … 🙂 …

But, as I thought about all this money never to be seen again, all the hours – days – weeks – years – spent thinking, feeling, experiencing, learning, challenging myself, studying, slogging – maybe what it all boils down to is that I am “cleaner”…

I don’t get so caught up in my emotions, so identified with my thoughts – that I become them – that they become my reality … I know that my feelings, my experiences, my opinions, my perspective – are just that … I am not God, I am not you … I am just me and these are my thoughts and feelings … none of it is “true” – it is just what is present in this moment – for me … And for you it may be completely different …

And from this place, as I go about in the world, I do less harm, I am warmer, more tolerant, less judgemental, less likely to misunderstand, less likely to be unkind – either to myself or others – and maybe that is the best that any of us can do … maybe that is truly “having the best time” 🙂

And on that saintly note … my phone rang … I picked it up … there was one of those pauses …

Woman : “Hello?”

Me: “Hello”

Woman: “How are you today?”

Me: under my breath, as I hang up,  “Oh for fuck’s sake”…   a way to go yet perhaps 🙂