Today’s post was going to be called “Cleaning blood with cucumber” – which was true – it was something I did earlier today – and was a new experience for me…

But, in conversation with Cristal, I said something and she said, “Oh! …You’re just being melodramatic – I thought something awful had happened!” … and thus the title was born… so cleaning blood with cucumber will have to be for another day…

I am quite ridiculous – I had an insight this morning about taking things less seriously and getting caught up less in the minutiae – and then around 4pm I decided that I had messed up an arrangement with Cristal and she wasn’t coming; I had lost a booking; and that I was never going to get any more clients because they were all so horrified by how I come across in my blog – and my business was in tatters…

Five minutes later all was well: Cristal had texted to say she was sorry she was late and she’d be there in 5 minutes, my “lost” booking sent me a PayPal payment (so presumably not lost), a lovely patient sent me an e-mail in response to a blog post that had struck a chord, and I had a new booking 🙂

One day I will learn to – as my daughter Nell would say, “Calm down!!”  I am so reactive  – my mind is a rollercoaster of emotions…

I have long had – as one of my things that I say to people – a little speech about how our brains are wired up to look for dangers – not sunsets… that our brains evolved 100,000 of years ago and at that time it was crucial that we spotted any peril in our wake – a sabre toothed tiger in the bushes etc. – I’ve probably got my time line all wrong there…

… that we really did need to spots any threats to our safety on a daily, hourly, basis and that a missed threat could well be the end of us – whereas if we missed a fabulous flower, a beautiful pebble – we would live to see another day – and, in evolutionary terms,  that was what it was all about – living another day…

Tom tells a joke, “A man travels for 20 years to find a guru who can answer his question – ‘How can I live forever?’

He finds a guru,  and the guru tells him, ‘Don’t gamble, avoid rich food, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t dance, don’t have fun, and whatever you do stay away from women!’ And the man says, ‘If I do that will I live forever?’ And the guru says, ‘No,  but it will feel like it!'”

And I feel like this is me – I have a brain that in evolutionary terms is great – it stops me being eaten by tigers – but in day to day terms it is a bit like guru’s advice for a life that feels like living forever…

… I have the benefit of living in the West the modern world – I am unlikely to die from diseases that would have killed previous generations, I am unlikely to be attacked by wild animals – in fact my life is remarkably safe – but I manage to conjure up – drama and tragedy and stress from ludicrous things like: someone being late and my phone not ringing…

So – I haven’t quite created a living hell for myself through the workings of my mind – melodramatic? Moi? But I appear to be robbing myself of having a damn fine life where everything is pretty splendid most of the time – and this is not the way to have “the best time” – come on Emily – get a grip – and get a life – yours – it’s there – you just need to see it 🙂