I’m going to start by burning my bra…

By Emily Mumford on May 11, 2014 in Emily's Personal Blog
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That is actually a slight exaggeration – but there’s nothing like a catchy title!

I think,  give my old bra to a charity shop and give myself permission to buy a new one is probably nearer  the truth : )

 

And the reason this is significant is that it is my symbolic start to living my life differently.

 

For many years I have lived my life way too seriously:

I’m like Nadine Stair,  an 85 years old woman who when was asked what she would do if she had her life to live over again, said:

“I’d make more mistakes next time, I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been on this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

“You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another,  instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, and a raincoat. If I had to do it over again, I would travel lighter than I have.

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds and I would pick more daisies.”

 

I have spent decades trying really hard to be a good person, be a good parent, be a good employee, work hard, don’t over spend…

And for the last decade I have also tried really hard to exercise more, meditate, become a  skilled therapist, eat super healthily…

 

Earlier this year my brother was killed in a road traffic accident – my brother had been my biggest “project” and also my biggest challenge – a man I loved, a dear sweet man, whose life was taken over again and again by depression and issues with alcohol. My heart ached when I thought of him – I wanted to “fix” him – I wanted to raise him above his struggles and help him soar to the heights he was capable of.

One thing he needed no help from me with – even in my most arrogant moment I could see this – was his love for his children and being the most wonderful dad. In this he was peerless.

But the issues that dogged him were very much present when he was run over on an unlit road in torrential rain having spent his bus fare on alcohol.

 

So in the weeks since then I have found myself questioning and re-evaluating  so many things. My body has created space for reflection – my wrist developed an injury that stopped me massaging, and my energy levels have slumped stopping me doing Journey process work which I loved.

 

So here I am – the bra is about to go – I say “the bra” – I have six identical ones which I brought because I have a tendency to buy in bulk when I think I have found something “perfect” – unfortunately I was having an off day and the bra – that I bought six of – was at least one size too small – so I set myself up to wear the wrong size bra for probably seven years or so – I tend to wear my bras until the last bit of elastic finally gives out…   Until that is … my epiphany today…

And it was this – and this thought has come to me before in various forms but now I am clear.  My passion is well being – other people’s and my own. The one thing that I have learnt that everyone (sane) seems  to agree on is that when we are less stressed we are are happier, healthier, more loving, more effective, more energetic – we just function better in every way.

So this post is about publically announcing that from this point forwards I am going to live my life with all “oughts” and “shoulds” banished, I am not going to scrutinise my diet  for gluten, dairy, sugar, caffeine – or worry about its pH.  I am not going to castigate myself for not doing yoga yet again – or not meditating but watching telly instead.

I am going to live every moment to the full – and have the best time. And “the best time” may sometimes mean not having a desert because I don’t need it, and may sometimes mean working really hard to earn money for something important…it may mean doing all sorts of things that are difficult and even unpleasant  – but they will be the things that if I had my life to life again ten times over I would choose to do the same – NOT the thing I push myself to do that I do unthinkingly, to please someone else, to not rock the boat etc etc

And so the bras must go – my symbolic line in the sand – where I forgive myself for being such a wanack, and give myself permission to wear a bra that fits, a bra that supports me, a bra that makes me happy – a bra without compromise.

So this is me – I am going to have the best time from now on, to live without compromise, to be true to myself, to honour the gift of spending time in this body – and celebrate being alive rather than worthily striving to deserve my life and my health.

So I intend to follow this post with regular updates on how I am doing. If you would like to join me – and post any comments – share your own experiences – maybe you’d like to join me in having the best time – then you’d be most welcome.

 

Here’s to life without compromise – and a bra that fits!

 

Emily

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Emily MumfordView all posts by Emily Mumford