After discovering the freedom of “Stop it!” I have had enough space to notice something else…
When I think, I mostly do it in the form of a sort of conversation – with the perfect friend – a friend who listens attentively, finds everything I have to say riveting and never needs to talk about themselves – just loves hearing all about ME … endlessly…
The thing is… that this means… now that I am clear enough to notice… that I spent HOURS a day talking to this “friend” inside my head, and what do I say to her?
I tell her all about things that have happened to me and what I think about them – but the thing is they are always OLD things, things in the past – and my thoughts about them are always things I have thought before that I am just rehashing, regurgitating for the ever attentive ears of my “friend in my head”…
So let me make this clear … I am talking (in my head) about something that happened often YEARS ago that I know ALL about – to someone WHO DOESN’T EXIST…
And I do this ENDLESSLY … and it makes me feel rubbish, it exhausts me and robs me of spontaneity and joy….
And while I am doing this I don’t notice what is happening NOW… I am not here, not present… I am blathering on about stuff that has nothing to do with who I am today and what is happening now… and my audience for this never ending rehashing of “Life According to Emily” is a figment of my imagination…
Sounds like time to “Stop it!” : )