I’m a born “oversharer”. For decades I have experienced myself as a liability and an embarrassment … I remember being in a teashop with our daughters on one of many university visits, and experiencing myself as delightful and charming only to be brought up short by one of my daughters hissing at me, “Mum!! Do you have to shout ‘vagina’ at the top of voice?!”

… I have a feeling they had a point … I like to think that earlier in my life my faux pas were rather more subtle and that I worked up to these heights of being excruciating to be around in public …

So I was discussing – whilst snuggling in bed with two of my daughters this morning – what I might put in my blog post today – what I might share…

“Do you mean “overshare Mum?”

And I told them that in our pre-meditation chat – at the, now brought to a close, Friday Morning Meditation Group – someone had used the phrase, “too much information” and that I felt great sadness that this phrase is used so often. I know that it is mostly used lightly – and can be very useful – my daughters are a great fan of it – leaping in with examples of when it can gently and humorously “head someone off” before things get too awkward – and I can see their point…

But for me – although who knows I may end up using it myself one day – it fits with my experience of being someone who doesn’t always know “when to stop”, “when to shut up”, “when to keep something to myself”… And it often leads me – when I realise I am out of step with other people – to feel shame…

And I hate shame … it is one of the most debilitating emotions … leaving one feeling paralysed and alone …

In 1998 I went to my first workshop run by the Human Awareness Institute – the workshops were about love, intimacy and sexuality – and the workshops provided a safe and accepting, completely non-judgemental and supportive environment to say the things one perhaps had never felt comfortable to say, ask the questions one had never felt comfortable to ask … For me it was life changing – I described it at the time as feeling I had “come home”  – I have never felt so me, so alive, and so LOVED as I did at those workshops.

I have no remedy for how to live in the world, fully, without shame … I want to respect other people’s boundaries, other people’s need not to be exposed it bits of me that they don’t want, bits of my experience that they don’t want to hear about … but I also loathe pain of “getting it wrong … AGAIN”…

So I think the best I can do is to somehow communicate that I am open to hearing everything and anything that anyone wants to share with me – I will not judge or shame them – I will respect them for having the courage to speak “the unspeakable” – I am a fan of truth and openness and feel the world would be a better place without shame, secrecy or dishonesty.

And before you judge me as naive let me remind those of you who may have forgotten or tell those of you who may not know … I worked for four years with Rape Crisis and taught in prisons for several years – I know the world is not always a sunny happy place …

When someone shares something dark with me,  I feel huge compassion, humility, privileged to be trusted in this way – and knowing that it is only by chance that this person’s story is not mine – or maybe it is mine – and through their courage to disclose – I am able to let go of self-judgment, shame… feeling alone…

So to share or not to share … for me it is synonymous with having the best time … and embarrassing my kids? It’s in the job description! 🙂

PS … I am on holiday this coming week – so may not be able to post on Facebook, Linkedin etc – so if you want to be alerted to my next post – just pop your e-mail address in the box on the right 🙂