It was as I was uttering the words, “For fuck sake woman!” – “woman” being me – that I saw my life flash before me…

I had just – of course – just waved around – vigorously shaking – a jar of fermented cultured milk…  This milk then splattered / sprayed all over my floor, my kitchen table, up the worktops and all over the newly washed jumper I was wearing…

A normal person would not have shaken it – they would have stirred it (spot the Bond reference : )  … but then a normal person would not have had homemade probiotic cultured milk in their fridge in the first place. A normal person would either not have bothered taking any food supplements – because they eat a healthy balance diet and that is fine – or they would have taken ONE multi-vitamin and mineral supplement – and NOT the array of 20 or so tablets and capsules of a multitude of vitamins, minerals, essential fatty acids, anti-oxidants, favanols, phytonutrients, phytochemicals, enzymes, probiotics etc etc

and they would NOT would they have felt the need to wash it down with live fermented milk – they would have had a glass of fucking water – which didn’t need to be shaken and sprayed all over the kitchen…and me…

And as I – on my hands and knees – cleaned up the mayhem… it occurred to me that this is the perfect metaphor for my life…

OBSSESSIVE,

OVER INVOLVED,

“not normal”,

not doing things the easy way …

…and just generally bonkers and exhausting… but hey that’s me…

An employer once said to me, “You don’t learn from your mistakes, Emily, do you?” … I spent years revisiting this moment – and composing the perfect reply… at the time, of course, I was silent and just wanting the ground to open beneath me and swallow me up…

The best answer I have come up with is, “No – usually I make the same mistake many times over before the penny drops…”  But I am not sure if the way I live my life is a mistake … or just damned inconvenient…