Looking…

By Emily Mumford on June 20, 2014 in The Garden Room
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I’ve been pondering various types of looking…

Yesterday I went out with my closest friend for our annual day out at East Ruston Old Vicarage garden. Another admission – looking round the plants for sale is our favourite bit – then tea and cake – and then… looking round the garden…

This doesn’t mean that we don’t adore looking round the garden – it just means that we work ourselves into a frenzy of excitement and anticipation over our annual “plant buying blow out”; and the cake is out of this world … best cake in Norfolk!!

Anyway … back to looking … my friend was really struggling to find anything that made her go “Wow!” in the plant sales bit – usually we run hither and thither getting more and more excited – with this slightly sick feel in the background as we realise we will either have to curb our desires – or look forward to belt tightening in other areas for weeks to come…

But yesterday it just wasn’t happening for my friend – and so we abandoned the sales area and wondered round the garden. Our meander was punctuated by, “Ah now, if they’d had THAT for sale…”

I won’t insult your intelligence by stringing this out – as you have probably anticipated we returned to the sales area – I was now on a mission to find my friend something that she could go “Wow!” about … and what happened was a mixture … a mixture of me rummaging behind things and finding new treasures to present to her; and showing her that various things in the garden that she had loved – were there all along – on the benches of plants for sale…

And again, I’m sure you’re already ahead of me, it proved a perfect illustration that when we are filled with expectation – and wanting to be “Wowed!!” – that we are often disappointed – but if we slow down and look a little more closely, look in unexpected, out of the way places that not only may we find things that eluded our glaze the first time – but we also find that things right to the fore – things that were there all the time – were just not seen somehow – perfection right in front of our eyes and yet we were blind to it…

My next looking was whilst hosing down and sweeping the drive… those of you who tuned in to earlier posts will know that BT, bless them, dug up our drive to replace a cable a week or so ago. They left a right mess … actually that’s not true – our drive IS a right mess – BT just added another variation of an existing theme …

And so I decided, in my wisdom, that I would sweep and hose, and transform our drive … but what happened is exactly what happened last time I did this … I discovered that dirt and muck cover a multitude of sins … and that now I have swept stuff up and hosed stuff down –  cracks, bald patches, disintegrating tarmac, emerging concrete – are all suddenly thrown into relief – almost like a spotlight – highlighting every blemish, every fault…

I was hosing (after sweeping) for about an hour watching with horror as the full magnitude of the disaster,  that is our drive,  was revealed … only to come back an hour later when it had dried off in the sunshine to find it looking many times worse… but despite this it was oddly therapeutic – as if somehow all my hard work and effort just felt good in themselves – and that our drive – if hideous – is at least clean and honest – unashamed, nothing covered up – just how it is…

Which brings me to my last looking…

After doing the drive I showered and got ready for a colonic treatment – as I have continued with my current experiment of wearing make up I washed my body but left my face … I can feel you cringing even now – what kind of a slattern has a shower but doesn’t wash her face… anyway I didn’t – I just couldn’t face the whole reapplying pantomime that would be required if I washed it off…

So then – for some unfathomable reason – I approached my make up mirror which magnifies my face FIVE times (that’s how bad my eyesight is these days ) but I approached it WEARING MY READING GLASSES – so I think that means that every pore, every eyelash, every wrinkle, every spot, every blackhead,  is seven and a half times bigger…

I was completely mesmerised … what was supposed to be a quick, “Is my mascara smudged? Can I rectify this with a cotton bud?” exercise … turned into a trance like stare … never had I seen my face so clearly … I discovered that I have a multitude of blonde hairs on my chin that I usually just don’t see … including a definite goatee!! I have a clump of blonde hairs like a little rug … and several of them …wait for this  … are growing through my healing cold sore – poking out between bits of scab … you can see why I couldn’t tear myself away … this was extraordinary, mind blowing… like watching a wild life documemtnary on the telly … and along my upper lip … it didn’t really look like a moustache – more like a terrain…

And I both stared and explored with my  eyes … and at the back of my mind a little voice was saying, “Why aren’t you freaking out? You are a 54 year old woman – this means that you are prone to judging how you look, and not being thrilled at the changes you see … why are you not wresting your gaze from the mirror … why are you oddly fascinated…?”

And I don’t have an answer except to compare my face to my drive – something about seeing something clearly, as it is, without needing to try and change it or cover it up – just accepting it looking at it, seeing it … is rather lovely, fascinating and peaceful – a relief… there are many different ways … to have the best time… 🙂

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Emily MumfordView all posts by Emily Mumford