I have never done this before – seems rather ego centric and pleased with myself!! – but I am going to quote from my last blog post “Mind the Gap” – because today’s will make no sense without a sense of what happened on Monday – think of it like those “in last week’s episode…” recaps they do on the telly : )

So on Monday I wrote:

“I realised today that I have been living my life “filling the gap” – filling the gap between reality and what I feel “should” be happening. No wonder I feel tired as I look endlessly around me and see people I want to be happier, healthier;  a home I want to be tidier;  a garden I want to look more tended;  a business I want to be so splendid that it takes away Tom’s anxiety about money… I can’t make much of a mark on any of it… I can do my bit… but in the end – it is as it is…

So… I’m going to change my job description – I don’t think I read the small print on the last one!

My new job is:  to look after myself; to strive for a good “work / life balance”;   to be available for my family;   to do enough work to hopefully ensure a modest income … and that is it. And any gap between what is and how I would ideally like it to be – will have to remain unfilled… there always was a gap,  there will continue to be a gap – it is just no longer a gap I am trying to fill : )  Phew!!  That feels better already : )”

And now, six days later, I can tell you it has revolutionised my life … so far … for six days…

Since Monday: Tom has had an appalling time at work; all three of my daughters have had big challenges at work – one particularly difficult; one day I had two clients cancel on the day – wiping out half my work for the day and half my income for that day – would have driven me to distraction usually; and two dear friends have had monumental health crises – heart wrenching stuff … and I can’t change any of it…

To quote myself: “I can’t make much of a mark on any of it… I can do my bit… but in the end – it is as it is…”     … and my bit just seems to be to approach everything – as best I can – with softness and grace, with compassion – even to people who cancel on the day : ) … and, actually, it has been a doddle … this week…

Not being able to fix anything hasn’t seemed to matter this week – I just can’t believe it – I have spent my life trying to fix things … I am just so grateful that I seem to have enough time and space in my life – mostly given to me by dear hard working Tom – to respond to people and events with softness, time, compassion and kindness … and accept that random, really rubbish things happen – and life goes on…

I’m really hoping that six days turns into six years – and that this is how it will be, for me, from now on…this way of being is SO much more enjoyable / bearable – and – it makes me kinder and more available to others – talk about a win win…  : )